moving from the darkness of depression to the ecstasy of expression
“See your future and dance towards it,” I said. I opened my eyes and saw a whole tribe of women, outside in the summer heat at our retreat in Nashville, freeing their bodies. All the scenes from my life, like pages in a flip book, zoomed past in vivid detail, the years of teenage darkness, my transformation in design school and the many magical adventures that led up to this point. In this moment, layers of past oppression burst open into an array of colorful wings and I saw the freedom I came here to create.
I haven’t always felt this free…
As a teenager, I was pretty depressed, constantly trying to break free from my parents, teachers, societal expectations and the confines of my college prepschool. I stole moments away to write angsty poems, jam out to punkrock, paint creepy black and white women, party, skip class, and engage in general tomfoolery... anything I could do to get a taste of my own wildness. Somehow I received A’s & B’s while all of my interest and time was spent running around town, dancing in fields, or playing in the art studio. I was this anomaly - a strangely intellectual being and wildly creative spirit. I wanted a life of feeling purpose, bliss, adventure, novelty. I knew there was something more, and I was hell bent on finding it.
Rewiring My Own Mind
I followed that calling into the unknown of design school, where I began to retrain my mind. Both sides of my brain activated. I learned how to think conceptually and strategically at the same time. I used science/research along with spirituality/creativity to make decisions in my projects. On my college campus, I went to yoga and started meditating. In that and away from my old structures, I began to rewire my beliefs around what was possible for me.
I graduated from school at The University of TN at the top of my class. Heard the call to the west, found a job at the largest architecture firm in the world at the time, Gensler, and packed my car for Colorado. Well, three months into my job, I was in the dark of the chrysalis. I was going to yoga class everyday, communing with the Rocky Mountains, yet I was confined to a desk everyday, not knowing what it was all for. One day, the thought occurred, maybe life doesn’t have to be this hard. I called up my friend who was a life coach and she sat down with me redefine what was possible for me, yet again. After our meeting, I knew this was my big opportunity to shift or get stuck forever. I had to get out.
Breaking Out of the chrysalis
One day, the chrysalis began to crack. My exit process was not pretty and rarely is. I no longer had a job. A week later, my car was stolen with most of my “identity” inside. It was as if the Universe was saying, “Here’s your opportunity. You get to be brand new… what do you want to be?” As my crumpled wings filled with life, I began to take up the space that I longed to embody. I flipped a house. I became a yoga teacher. I traveled the world and went to 6 countries in 1 year. Most importantly, I started my own business and emerged into the lightness and vibrance of true freedom.
Experiencing Life With My Wings
To this day, I continue to learn and study methodologies in the self-expressive arts that benefit my process and my clients. I go on spiritual journeys and meditation retreats. I have a regular art/journaling/self-expression practice. I dance almost daily. I feel more free to be myself as I continue to shift and transform.
Not to mention, I have the most inspiring clients, people that I resonate with not just on a work level, but on a true soul-level who share with me the inner workings of their mind and body, so that we can co-create and soar together. The more we show up for each other in full-spectrum, weirdness and vibrance, the more fully we can be known and the more we can soar in our SoulWork together.
anything is possible
Maybe you're thinking, "Well... that sounds pretty idealistic and unachievable." I'd just like to remind you of the tiny caterpillar that has no idea what it's becoming coming. The life that I have now is beyond my wildest dreams and my clients say the same thing. I've worked with a lot of women and it looks different everytime. I have no idea who you will turn out to be... but it's going to be AWESOME!
So, this is my life of possibility and freedom. I have the most badass entrepreneurial community around me, people who are really experiencing life in a unique and different way. I feel free to express myself in all the cycles and spaces of my life. I love traveling the world to work with my clients. I curate day-long intensives, retreats and gatherings for women to experience the liberation that I have felt. I am the co-founder of FLUX Retreats. I love to support this butterfly community across the world. I want to see us all transform into the beautiful aligned, self-expressed, purpose driven beings that we are.
trust the process
This is my own version... yours will, no doubt, be totally different creating wild technicolor wings of your own kind. Like I said, we don't know what it's going to look like, but I do know this process works, in the same way, that nature is constantly transforming it's creatures. Even though, it's scary, you are ready and I'm going to be there with you every step of the way.