On Having Many Loves | Polyamory & Life Purpose
It’s 3am, here in Tulum. I’m lying next to a beautiful Argentinian man that I barely know.
Two days ago, he said, “I love you.” I said it back.
I hear him snore, deep in sleep, and ask myself, “Will people think that I am foolish for loving so freely?” I think about my other partners and lovers wondering, “Is it possible to have it all?”
So what do these sweet bedside reflections have to do with my job as a Soul Coach?! For years, women have been coming to me with this questions, “How do I incorporate all of the things that I love into my business?”
Simultaneously, I have been practicing ethical non-monagomy… and I credit this practice for helping me uncover my truest life, not just relationally, but vocationally too!
My notes on polyamory, life purpose, this blog include:
How To Brand When You Have Lots of Loves
How To Make Jealousy Your Bestfriend
Why Your Communication Style Doesn’t Allure Your Dream Client
How To Communicate To Inspire Your Tribe
Falling In Love With Everything(Yes, it is possible.)
If you ever wondered what to do with all your love, this is for you.
What the heck is polyamory?
I’m so glad you asked. Whenever I tell people I practice open-relating, a million questions ensue. I am happy to answer them all, please post in the comments below. This is by no means an exhaustive guide to polyamory. For that, I recommend the book, More Than Two.
Polyamory simply translated means “many loves.” In the case of relationship, it means loving more than one person, but this idea doesn’t just apply to romance. The whole idea behind polyamory is that everyone should be able to honor their feelings and desires in every moment, situation, and, yes, relationship. Let me repeat, this is about choice and self-honoring, not sleeping around.
Along the way of expressing our authentic desires comes a whole lot of self-work, self-acceptance, as well as, yes, some jealousy and internal conflict! Entrepreneurs out there, are you seeing the parallels to your own entrepreneurial path?
How To Brand When You Have Lots Of Loves
I’ve used polyamory to work through my deepest insecurities and needy-ness in all my relationships, clients, parents, friends. It took a lot of work to go from placating the people in my life to blazing my own glorious trail, which is why I’m writing this piece.
I understand well all of the outside voices that tell us how to “succeed”. As a kid, teachers told me to apply myself to my courses. My whole life, my parents told me that I had to work hard to “make it”. At my first job, my boss told me to focus on one area of expertise to rise in the ranks of our agency.
Society has told us, “Don’t be all over the place.” To be successful, you need to choose one love, one path, and stick with it.
So to navigate our lives, we compare ourself to others. We follow their well-proven paths. We stick to the plan, but in following these old maps, we get to old destinations. Winding up far from our truth in an empty room. Our desires and wants become harder to find, and yet, honesty, in the desolate wasteland of the mundane, is all that we seek.
Waking Up With Honesty
I roll over. He’s so gorgeous. We make love. Then, I sit with what is about to happen.
We will leave each other soon. He will go back to his island and I to mine. We talk about future. He tells me of his love for other women and I speak of my own desire for autonomy. His honesty is refreshing. After all these years of practice, it feels good to melt into what we want without apology. It didn’t always feel this way.
At first, it was uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing even to free people up and to listen to my little heart. I had to ask myself, “Am I devoted to a path of honesty with myself and with others or do I want to continue pleasing the people around me? My truth or someone else’s?” When we stop following the conventional norms, things can get uncomfortable, but the result is an incredible lovestory.
What I have found on this hard, worthy road, is this.
Love is always inservice of my path.
Make Jealousy Your Best Friend
So as we wake up an authentic self-conversation, our own self-process becomes easier to deal with overtime. We quickly spot our jealousy and it doesn’t make us hate ourself anymore.
In poly relationships, I feel jealous all the time. Does that make it wrong? Absolutely not. I recognize now that jealousy is just a part of life. If I lean into it, I often find the most valuable gems which I the share with my partner, and, maybe, the world.
The next night, he tells me, “I saw another woman.”
“Did you kiss her?” I ask. “Yes, I did.” He says with the sweetest eyes.
A little ripple across the lack of my soul. I pause to look at the cause. “When I hear you say those words, I feel jealous because I’m wondering if she is more interesting than me or more sexy, more alluring. I feel alone and I’m scared you might leave me.” The look in his eyes is peaceful, well-practiced, “Do you want to go deeper into that statement? What do you need from me that you are not getting? My whole being is captivated by you.” I believe him. The honesty is an invitation, for both of us, to go deeper. That’s how vulnerability works. It pulls people in.
Why Your Communication Style Doesn’t allure Your Dream Client
Want to reel in your dream client? The secret. Yep, I already said it, share your insecurities with the world. Most of my clients balk at this initially and I get it. Your jealousy is that part of you that you want to hide, the chink in your armor, your Achilles heal, but I can also tell you it’s the most beautiful part of you.
I asked a client, an anxiety coach, to do this. She resisted at first, “Why would anyone hire me?” “Because,” I said, “They’ll trust that you understand them and that you’ve been there.” So, she reluctantly started telling her clients about her own path, saying things like, “I am super jealous of girls who look really peaceful. I deal with my own anxiety all the time.” Her transparency created a real trust.
Using this communication style, she doubled the love($) in her business in one month.
Your insecurities don’t make you weak; they become your magnet for relating to everyone in your life. Not only will you pull this part of you from the darkness, you’ll start converting clients that connect with your soul like never before.
Communicate to inspire your tribe
This is just the beginning. When you share with vulnerability, you get to show up in full-power to your people. You will speak with more confidence and demonstrate how all of your modalities, tools, and trainings, have helped you evolve into the absolutely radiant being that you are today!
Your dream client is likely you, just a few years ago. When she knows that you get her and can help her make the change she seeks, you have a new client.
It really is that easy.
Last little bonus, when we get honest about what’s going on in our hearts, there is no more comparison. We don’t scroll through Instagram anymore wondering if this woman has the magic formula, because you are your own magic formula.
Falling In Love With Everything
So, to go back to the original question that my clients ask, “How do I brand myself when I have so many loves?”
It’s simple. You get to have it all.
All of your love, all of your goodness, keep it. Don’t cut off any part of your soul. Stay in your wholeness, share from your heart, follow your “Yes” and you will attract people who fall in love with you instantly.
These people will look at you with heart eyes, seeing a goddess who is embodied and clear. Everything she wants and desires, she embraces as truth. She is alluring and dynamic. The beauty of everything she loves radiates around her like Lakshmi, her gems and dripping lotuses, a vision of pure love, pure beauty.
The people you attract will become your clients, your loves, your future partners.
One morning, you’ll wake up, roll over, glance in the mirror and smile, because the person you will fall in love with most on this journey is yourself.
Embrace every idiosyncrasy, honor every desire of your heart, unite your soul and your work. Go live and love, my dear.
There is, of course, a little bit of honing that goes into this process. I am always here to help. If you want to talk more about how to wrap everything you love into your business, check out my 1:1 mentorship!