SlutShaming | How The Sisterwound Affects Your Biz
Like a gauntlet, two brown benches stood in my path. The last bell had rung; I was trying to disappear to my car unnoticed. I’d made out with a senior girl’s former-boyfriend. I knew they weren’t happy, but nothing could have prepared me for this. They stood in wait, all eyes on me, their shameful glares piercing. I bared my shoulders and walked through. Flanked on both sides, a cacophony of words darted out. I blocked most of them, but the one I remember most is this one: “Slut.”
This boy, my co-creator in sluttery, was the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted, his eyes, a clear blue sky. He asked me the yummiest questions. His muscles flexed the seams of his yellow polo. His flippy hair filtered through my fingers. I remember the bed of grass, his rough hands from years of baseball holding my face, under a blanket, lost in a galaxy of love and bliss. On a fall night, my world disappeared for the first time.
My first experience of true orgasmic, mind-blowing pleasure turned into my worst nightmare.
feeling good is bad
Almost everyday, this crew of girls tried to make my life miserable. They scorned me in the hall and enlisted people to their camp. They spread rumors about me. Many days at the lunch table, some new tale about my sex life was making the rounds - how I gave some guy a blowjob on the pole vault mat or how I made out with 3 people in 1 day. Sex scandals spread fast in a conservative college prep-school where gossip is typically who flunked the last Calc test. I lived the dream of being naked in public.
I was new to this school and had one or two friends. Now, people wouldn’t let their kids come to my house. One day, my bible teacher singled me out in front of class and asked me to explain one of my recent exploits which he turned it into a lesson about obeying God. I got notes in my locker calling me “a whore,” saying that, “I didn’t value myself.” I hated going to school.
What did I want most? To be embraced and accepted. What I learned instead… “What you want is wrong and as a result you are unloveable.”
What does this have to do with business?
Looking back now, I see how this experience shadowed my life. If I follow what I truly want, I will be alone and scorned. Ever felt bad for feeling good, especially when people around you are miserable? In business, we often believe this script that being an entrepreneur is just inherently hard. In order to make it, we need to be tortured by lack of sleep, tireless hours, and constant nagging thoughts. Finally, being successful means that people will secretly hate you… at least a little bit.
And it’s unfortunately true.
At first, following your pleasure and your bliss
creates friction in your relationships.
I am so far beyond this paradigm now and I have practices to support me. I have people in my life who love to see my shine and my whole world doesn’t fall apart anymore when someone doesn’t want to be my client or friend.
I want to help you get to this state of embrace!
Becoming an unconditionally loving and understanding human
How to create, clear boundaries, instead of saying, “Fuck you.”
Why smiling at strangers helps
How to encourage the people who frustrate you
How to find soul family anyways
but first, how i burnt my enemies down
Based on the experience above, it won’t shock you to hear this was my MO. You cross me; I’ll rip your heart out, eat it for dinner, not think twice and move on to my bright shiny future. I left a wake of unresolved relationships. Nothing affected me, outwardly. On the inside, I was sad, wounded, and craving authentic connection.
I still don’t fully understand what motivated those young girls to be so hateful, but I see now how I threatened them.
They wanted love and attention, yet feared being shame by parents and teachers. They didn’t want to face ridicule; so they denied their own desires and here I was embracing my sexuality at 15. Yea, public-shaming sucks, I understand why someone would avoid it at all costs. These practices for understanding my “enemies” and myself allowed me to heal and move on.
the sisterwound in life & biz
In our early years, the sisterwound goes, “Measure up, be a certain way, or we’ll kick you out of the club. You can’t sit with anymore. We’ll ignore you. Shun you.” Do I need to go on? Ya’ll get this.
Here’s how this plays out in your biz. You’ve just developed a new business idea. Your co-worker responds, “Cool(signaling end of conversation).” You want to travel the world, you tell a friend; they respond, “Ah, you’re such a dreamer,” as if it will never happen. Maybe you decide to branch out and try something new. They ask, “Is she even qualified for that?” And if they haven’t said it to your face, you’re wondering if it’s happening behind your back
If you’re so tired of jaded, inauthentic people resurfacing in your life, let’s get you out of this dimension.
If you want to attract vibrant human beings into your space and resolve past wounds, keep reading.
that friction is your passion blowing minds
When you expand what is possible for you, the people around you have to expand their own horizons or acknowledge that they don’t have the courage to follow their passions…
At this point, you also have two options:
1. Stop voicing your dreams to make those people comfortable.
2. Find a way to share your dreams, keep your heart open and create connection.
How to own your inner slut,
heal your relationships,
and attract soul people
Use a loving, kindness practice.
“Um, no thanks. I actually admire you, Meg, for smiting those bitches. Some people are just assholes and not worth my time or energy.” Really?! Is that the world you want to live in? I know you, it’s not.
Sit comfortably with your eyes closed and think of every unresolved relationship. Past partners, your parents, your highschool teacher, that one client. Imagine what it feels like to be them. What are they worried about? What do they value? What are they afraid? Recognize that these are mostly projections and not fully accurate, but see what happens internally when you feel life as them.
Create clear and firm boundaries.
No, I’m not talking about telling people to go, “Fuck off.” I’m actually asking you to pull people in and not ignore them. Ignoring creates shame and abandonment wounds.
It looks like this, “Mom, when you tell me my dream career is not possible, I feel sad. I want to live in Mexico so bad. Is it possible that you could encourage me instead of telling me how dangerous it is?” If she says, “Sure.” Great. If she say, “No,” or continue to do that behavior, you’ll say something like, “This is a boundary for me and it seems we can’t …. anymore.”
If you want to know more, learn Nonviolent Communication. It helps.
Smile at strangers.
Your open heart is the key to magnetizing people that will love you and this takes serious practice. So, my best tips - do this in low-stakes environments. Practice smiling at strangers when you walk down the street. When people ignore you in public or if the woman at the desk scowls at, practice wrapping everyone you see in unconditional love. They deserve love. Do this exercise. It will help you be so much more resilient when you encounter tough-cookies IRL.
Encourage the shit out of your antagonists.
People are likely disconnecting from you because they see your success and feel like they can’t catch up. Questions of, “Am I not good enough? Why am I not experiencing my own success in the same way?” arise.
Be the person who genuinely celebrates success in everyone. Don’t be fake about this. Once again, this is a practice. When you find yourself getting triggered, walk away, do your compassion practice and then find something that you genuinely enjoy about them. When you do this, people will rise with you.
Finally, follow your passions anyways
I can still remember my first kiss. In fact, I have a lot of kisses to remember and almost every single one has filled my heart with joy and connection, It’s not wrong to want to fuck the whole wide world. In fact, it’s incredible!
Your fantasies are the sexiest part about you. Your dreams are actually like magnets, giant orbs of energy and potential. This is how your soul family will find you. Shine it out. I cannot stress this enough!
just be a slut… please
Maybe you’re thinking, but if I get really bold about what I want, I will have to leave my current partner or friend group, people will think I’m weird, unusual, unsavory, unwise(the whole laundry list) … Yep, I’ve been there. I just chose not to be stuck in this place.
There will be some people who won’t come along. It may be too hard; they may not be ready. You may have to set boundaries; you may have to evolve into new ways of being yourself. You may need to walk this path alone at times to carve out space for new people/places/things.
Here’s what magnetized into the space that I created.
I started walking forward(not away) with gratitude and understanding based on what I want. I said, “You know, that just wasn’t for me. I want …” I started walking towards freedom, self-expression, and unconventional humans. I didn’t know where they were, but I now have an incredible community of entrepreneurs, soul-sisters, clients, and family who are constantly blowing my mind with their boldness. These humans always seek higher levels of bliss and joy. We play; we go on trips to Africa and Mexico. The men in our crew wear meggings. We wear unusual clothes and looovee to see each other succeed. These people do exist. You won’t be able to find eachother until you boldly claim the sluttiness of your soul and the fantasy that is your one, true life.
If you need more people like this, the ones who will unapologetically encourage you to live your dreams, join the waitlist for Embody The Muse launching July 9th.
Embody The Muse enrollment opens June 30th
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